In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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