I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
