I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
