Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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