they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
