so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
