Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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