I CAN MOONWALK!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize