Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
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Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.