I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
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she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.