You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
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No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
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Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?