Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it