pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
