he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
