The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
