I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
