yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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