Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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