i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
