Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
