Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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