Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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