there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
