You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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