Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
