thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
