He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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