Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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