Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
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oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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