I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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