Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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