no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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