I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
