kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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