Please, let me fuck your mom
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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