She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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