If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
