we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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