go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
