I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
