hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
