This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
