I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
