I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
