Are we in a gay sports bar?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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