Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That accounts for only three of the penises
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
