Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
