It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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