ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
