So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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