I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize