I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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