So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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