My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
