did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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