I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
