They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
