I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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