fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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