Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We have started to decorate penises.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
