well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
