What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
