It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm really busy with my period
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