I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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