he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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