is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
