If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
